Professor Wole Soyinka has berated critics, who attributed the cause
of late Chinua Achebe's accident that eventually confined him to a
wheel chairuntil he recently breathed his last, to the "spotless ram"
he presented to him as a gift for his sixtieth birthday.
What actually happened? Why are people accusing Prof Soyinka? Details below:
Soyinka, in a release entitled "The Village Mourners Association,"
lamented the reaction of a category of people he likened to "homicidal
clerics," whom he said began to spread the falsehood after Achebe's
burial.
According to Soyinka, it was wrong for people to situate the ram he
graciously presented to a friend on his birthday, which he (Achebe)
warmly received with a comment "Typical of Wole," as the cause of
Chinua Achebe's motor accident. Soyinka tells his own story in the
release.
Here goes the story, for those who seek light relief from ponderous
unctuousness:
"What happened was that I found myself unable to return to Nigeria for
a Colloquium in honour of Chinua's sixtieth birthday.
My dramatic mind immediately scrambled for some striking manner of
compensation. "So I telephoned a business friend who had some
agricultural connections in Delta State and told him: find the
chunkiest, spotless ram in Delta State – all white or all black, but a
thoroughbred of striking physique.
"Find a leather pouch, tie it to its neck with the following message
and deliver it at the venue of the Colloquium. I no longer recall the
exact dictated wording, nothing inspirational, just the usual
felicitations and injunctions to turn that ram into asun for general
feasting.
"Those who attended the event will recall the grand entry of the gift
– as reported by one and all, including the foreign visitors, and
Chinua's reported reaction, seated on the podium. He shook head and
said, 'Typical of Wole.'
"The ram was then led off to meet its destiny at the hands of the
gathered. (As a side note, it was I who took a gift away from his
seventieth at Bard University – a sobering flash of time past that
resulted in my ELEGY FOR A NATION. I had that poem re-published to
mark the day of his funeral.)
"Our story is only beginning. On the way back from that celebration,
Chinua had his accident and was flown to the United Kingdom. At the
first opportunity, I made my way there and called up the High
Commissioner, Dove-Edwin, who was certain to know the hospital
location.
"It turned out that he also planned a visit that afternoon, and he
agreed to give me a ride. We waited – I was joined by two others –
waited, and waited, then a phone call came from him that the visit had
been called off. The High Commissioner would explain why, on arrival –
over a promised dinner, as compensation.
"That explanation was this: Dove-Edwin had received communication that
some of 'Chinua's people' – a university professor among them, who was
named – had pronounced publicly that 'Chinua should have known better
than to accept a spotless ram from his enemy' – yes, that was the word
used – 'enemy.'
"I verified this report from various other sources. Later, an
alternative diagnosis surfaced: 'Chinua had been too long away from
the chieftaincy politics of his hometown, otherwise he would have
realized that the title that he took was coveted by some others – and
these were deeply steeped in traditional psychic combat.'
"In short, those rivals 'did him in.' Both diagnoses competed for
dominance for a while, petering out eventually. "Before the promotion
of that alternative cause-and-effect however, Dove-Edwin had
re-scheduled, and we had a most bracing, optimistic afternoon with
Chinua. Yes, our patient was eventually told the cause of the earlier
postponement, and he had a good laugh.
"On my return to Nigeria, I could not wait to take the opportunity of
a public lecture to invite all desperate enemies to please send me
their rams of choice – spotless, spotted, piebald, striped or
nondescript – so I could treat starving writers to free meals in my
home for the rest of the year. And I promised to taste a piece of each
ram before serving."
Soyinka said it was that same breed that "continues to sow poison in
the minds of the susceptible." He said those people may want to
position themselves of "being there, even when absent," yet they
"ostentatiously" position themselves at the event, or at vicarious
gatherings to denounce, attribute sinister motivations, and inseminate
hate against those whom their "pedestrian vision cannot see."
"Your very loudness proclaims your absence," Soyinka said. "You were
always absent. You will always be absent. So, this communication is
not really meant for you but for those potential almajiri – whose
minds you corrupt daily with your jeremiads in that accommodating
madrassa known as Internet," he said. Addressing his critics, Soyinka
said they should not misinform their audience.
"As a teacher, I lament your failure to use the opportunity of the
passing of a revered writer to turn your younger generation in
enlightened directions. "You have chosen instead to coarsen their
sensibilities and breed in their minds misunderstanding, suspicion and
above all – hate!"
"You will have understood by now how I have come to view you as no
different from the homicidal clerics who arm youths with kerosene and
match, cudgel and knife, a few Naira in their beggars' bowls, and
dispatch them to set fire to structures of comradely cohabitation, of
reflection, of mind enlargement, and destroy communities of learning.
"Your gospel of separatism goes beyond the geographical – in which I
have not the slightest interest! – but the humanistic. The difference
is in the weapon – in your case, poison, mind corrosion.
"The means – Internet, and it's wide open, undiscriminating
generosity. That is where you lay spores of poison, and doom future
generations to a confinement of human relationships within the darkest
corners of the mind.
"You are beyond pity. Kindly absent your selves from my funeral, when
that event finally intrudes," Soyinka said.
